Oh you make me smileee,

Another thing that I'm not sure I can understand is how I can hate everything that is happening right now so much, but still be really happy.
I mean, don't get me wrong...I'm sad.
But i'm happy.

You'd think that because everything around me right now is pretty sucky and WhatNot, that I'd be dumpy and depressed.

But somehow I'm not.

I'm still finding reasons to smile all the time and seeing the good in all this crap. There are actually a lot of positives to the negative.
Though I'd drop it all in a heartbeat to go back to the way things were, I am happy and content with the way things are now.
It's bearable, it's not going to kill me.

I know that everything right now is really crazy and sounds stupid and pointless and I have no idea why any of it is happening, but I also know that there is some point to it.
Something great and awesome will come of this I know, there's got to be some reason that I had to go through this.

I know that dad is in a better place now and that he's not hurting anymore, he's happy. And he's not stuck in some stupid chair all day like he was.
Somehow that's comforting.
He's also with mom now. Even the last few weeks he was with us I remember him saying "If anything happens, I'll be with mom so it'll be okay"
So I know that he wanted to be with her, and I know that he's way more happy now with her than he could have ever been down here on earth.

Anyway, point of this blog is to say that i'm not depressed.
And contrary to belief, I in no way have had any thoughts of offing myself. Please don't ask me if I'm about to commit suicide. I'm not.

THE END.